All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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