so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
