That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
