Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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