i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He better not be in your backpack
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
