I accidentally burped into my bong.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
