So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
