If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
