Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
