I could make wine with my vomit
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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