there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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