He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
