i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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