there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
