just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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