He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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