with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
