I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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