I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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