okay pat passed out under dana's car
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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