i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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