Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
