The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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