Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
