Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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