just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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