So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
