I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
