I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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