Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
