My boss' voice literally gives me gas
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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