Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
