Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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