You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize