I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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