i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
