Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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