I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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