problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
