she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
