I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
