why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I AM VODKA MAN
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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