We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
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Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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