I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
