the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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