i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I want a musical about memes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
