idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
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Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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