please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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