I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
