Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
