you would pick up someone in the library
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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