Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
