If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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