Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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