do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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