I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
