i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
