I bet he comes in French.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
