Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
