if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
